I have decided… No turning back.
Maintaining flexibility to change my plans… while actually HAVING a plan. That is an interesting balance.
Over the last few years (having kids!) I have learned to keep my plans “in pencil” rather than ink. I have grown to appreciate being able to get up at a moment’s notice to help someone that is in need, or change our plans for home schooling, or (_fill_in_the_blank_)
HAVING a plan is the hard part for me when it comes to horsemanship.
I can make a plan for housework, for soap making, for today’s math. I don’t doubt myself, it seems simple enough, I put it in my Clie and move forward. If I need to modify my plans, fine. Easy enough.
But with horsemanship, somewhere along the way I lost “me”. As a kid I rode. It really was that simple. I just rode. 100 degrees or pouring rain, I rode. With a friend or (more often) alone, I rode. A green arabian brood mare or a seasoned roping horse, I rode. Past crazy dogs, through muddy marshy ponds and across intersections.
I didn’t start with lessons, didn’t know any fancy catch phrases, had never lunged a horse. Just grandpa and mom, in field with no fences. Basic steering and brakes- that was it. And it began… I rode.
I could never get enough Western Horseman or Horse Illustrated- reading the advice and applying it during my next ride. Memorizing the patterns and trying them on the abandoned building pad next door. Somehow I never questioned myself- I just loved to ride and wanted to improve where ever I could.
How is it that now, so many years later… after studying well known clinicians, taking lessons with great instructors, reading books and watching a bazillion hours of video… how then is it possible that I feel like a WORSE rider than when I was in 3rd grade?
I know that part of it is that I’ve drown myself out. There are too many voices to listen to. I no longer have that inate trust of myself and my horse. I no longer ride with the child-like abandon that knows no fear. But I do remember. A friend recently gave me some advice, to listen to myself and do what I thought I should do without over thinking it. Wow, what a concept, lol!
Listening to MY gut rather than playing loops of everyone else’s advice in my mind, thus rendering myself inaffective.
That has been my riding goal lately. To listen to my gut and RIDE. It is going VERY well. I have been riding up and down the driveway of the place where we board… down the street and back. Just getting Nez comfortable riding out (which he has a pretty easy time with) and back (which he would rather race home).
We’ve kept up our little jaunts on the local trail system and it’s gone well. But today was so beautiful and just felt like going for a real trail ride. So I did.
We warmed up in the arena and out we went. I prayed over him and the song that was going through my mind was “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back”. I prayed that we would be safe, that his mind and feet would be with me and that he would decide to follow me. I got off to pass the uncapped t-post fence down the road, we went through the gates and I hopped back on.
“Let’s go.” A couple of times he weaved a little, glanced back… once he stopped. My plan was to ride. I didn’t feel that changing that plan was necessary, so I told him he’d be fine and to keep moving. I listened to my gut and what I believe is God, guiding our feet down the trail. Nez did a little squirming, I got a little firm- but I rode as softly as I could and was as firm as I needed to be. We rode out on a nice loose rein and had a GREAT time!
Once I finally decided that I could do it and that I’m a perfectly capable rider, I guess he thought so too.
We went out farther than we have before, past the bob cat spot, through mud and up and down some hills. We went out far enough that we even past another rider :~) I took the picture above when we were on our way back with my phone.
Along part of the way I sang the song outloud… it was a glorious ride.
I did get off and walk almost all the way back- he still wants to trot when we turn to head home (at a snails pace, lol, but we’re going for solid, comfortable trail riding here, not super slow trotting and anxiety :~) And up the last long hill I kept reminding myself “sweet potatoe pie, stuffing and mashed potatoes” over and over again!
Horsemanship is journey. Just like growing up was. Just like parenting. Just like life!
My journey has brought me to a place that God is able to use my quiet time with my horse to teach me things that I will be able to use in the rest of my walk through life. And one of those things is that sometimes there is great value in staying the course and following the trail without turning back.