Growing Bolder
When a horse is legitimately afraid, they cannot think through a situation. Neither can I, for that matter… Nez has spent the last year learning that we’ll allow him to move his feet if he needs to (as long as it’s not over the top of a person), that we won’t sock him in the face, that we are consistant (as a scatter-brain can be, lol) and that we are fair.
Lately he is growing more bold… Things that I would cringe to see another horse do (like mug me for cookies) I am tickled that he has started doing.
Of course, with the new boldness comes a new need. The need for correction. Or boundary. Or clarification of boundary. Or respect for my leadership. I’d rather stab my own leg with a fork than use some keyword that a clinician has turned into an idol, so I guess I should define what I mean.
Correction- telling him no. I’ve heard people comment harshly on the term “correction” and maybe I’m some kind of fool… but on Tuesday when Nez turned around, gave me the “look” and bit my stirrup he flat out needed to be told NO. Nothing more was needed and he knew exactly what I meant. The same kind of guidance that I would give to my child if he was about to make a mistake is what I offered to my horse.
Boundary- I’ve purposely let Nez come into my space. I know, it’s risky. I felt strongly that I needed to take some risk here and let him see that my space was safe. My space was not filled with anger or danger or any of the things that had made him afraid in his previous life. My space is filled with massage, cookies and kind words. My space is something that he’s come to bask in. A place that he longs for…
Carity of boundary- “My space boundary” is changing. Now that he is not afraid to get too close to my bubble I need to make sure that I’m clear with him. He needs to know very assuredly what is o.k. in my space and what is not. He needs to know when I am inviting him and when he must wait.
Respect- This word is borderline hilarious to me. Some horse folks seem to hold this elusive concept as a diety while others disdain it and the word seems to stick in their mouth as venom drips out when they talk about how it does not exist. Or they don’t believe in it. Whatever. What I mean by “respect” is that I want to develop a relationship and set a precedence with my horse that he is able to maintain a regard for me no matter the outside circumstance. I want to know that when I set a limit of my space, it is important to him to maintain that limit. I want to know that when we are in a tight spot on the trail, he is going to maintain his regard for me while I’m on his back and not forget that I’m up there and go off to do his own thing.
He needs to learn to accept correction. He must allow me to send him out of my space. And he must maintain his regard or ‘respect’ for me. All things that that require me to be better today than I was yesterday… I need to be able to offer consistancy and clarity in a reliable and calm manner. As strong as I need to be, as softly as I can.
This is really going to come into play in the next week. You see, the last 2 times that I’ve moved Nez to a new place, he has had some stuff to work through. I just started riding him again after his tough trailer ride and injury, on Tuesday. We did some arena warm up and then I took him for a walk on the trail. Yes, I walked. Trying to keep his calm presence of mind… but we shall see. I did get to mount with him standing still and while in the saddle, he was able to finally quiet his feet. So I got off and we walked back.
Next time I’ll get ouside the gates to the trail head and mount there. And if we have to we’ll stay in that area. My goal will be to discern the difference between when what he needs is quiet and when I need to occupy his mind to keep him busy. And, yes, when he may need to be told no. Or reminded that he CAN do something. Hopefully we’ll be out on long trail rides again soon.
I have to remind myself that God is patient with me. He is patient with my fears, but not indulgent of them. He is caring, loving, understanding, fair and STRONG. I can never forget His strength… it is what gives me the ability to trust Him when I am not sure of myself or my circumstances. If I can have that kind of relationship with my horse, he will be able to look to me even when his confidence is wavering.
Growing bolder is quite a process.