Falling back on the Truth
Sometimes I feel like I’ve hit a road block. I’m up against it and don’t quite know where to go or what step comes next.
My appy has gone from a squirty unsure ball of anxiety to a mellow fella that I can trust with my kids. I went on a trail ride last Friday and it was our duty to be the “bomb proof old timers”. This alone was a lot of pressure for me, lol.
We got out to the trail head and it started with Nez not being able to keep his feet still after I was in the saddle. He knew where the trail went and he was ready to GO.
He was immediately frustrated by my asking him to slow down… he’d stop, then GO. I decided that it might be better for him to follow, if the other horse was ok with it. I thought that would help him to see that the other horse was setting the pace, not him.
Well that frustrated him too. After a while, he finally got the picture and climbed out of the other appy’s butt… lowered his head and relaxed on a nice loopy long rein.
I thought, “ah- finally.” Then we got back in front, and away he wanted to go again. Um, back to following.
The ride ended just fine. Better than fine for my bestie (as my 15 year old says it) and her appy… He was the picture perfect trail horse. No nerves at all and even a little, er, um, SLOW! It was a fantastic ride.
But I was left frustrated by Nez’ uncovering of a very clear area that I had completely missed in our working together! Darn it. Those horses always do that to us!
So back a few steps we go… gotta find that hole.
(Here’s where I finally start to get to my point)
I didn’t really know where to start. Yesterday we saddled up and I just stared at him for a minute, praying and hoping that a plan would fall into my lap, because I sure as heck didn’t have one. We’re certainly on the same page in the arena and I don’t think it’s all his problem when we’re “out”. In fact, when I analyze how we ride when we’re out, it’s my problem for SURE. I allow him to set the pace. He’s eager and ears pricked forward, ready to see what’s around the next bend or over the hill. I admit, I like that about him.
What I hadn’t considered is that it’s a lot of responsibility for him to make those choices… probably too much. That’s not consistant on my part, since most of our time in the arena is spent with me deciding not only which gait, but also the speed within it.
O.k. So maybe I had a starting point figured out. The problem- me giving him too much responsibility. Where I was pretty clueless was how to communicate to him that I was sorry about that, and I’ll do my best to handle myself the same in or out of the arena.
All I could do was fall back on the few truths that I know. I know where he’ll assume that it’s his job to set the pace. I know how to shut it down and tell him, that’s not what I want. And I know how to reward his tries in the right direction.
HOWEVER, the hardest part for me was not being able to see it all lining up in my mind in a way that would actually WORK. Do you ever feel discouraged and feeble? That was me. Sitting in the saddle. Getting off. Leading him. Getting back on. Riding through a tight spot, him getting too forward. Him getting worried because he couldn’t figure out why I was doing things so differently today. Frustrated because he was trying to figure out what the heck I wanted. There was this voice in the back of my head going, “You dummy. You’re always making it up on the fly. How is this EVER going to help him?”
I didn’t know, for sure. At one point I wanted to get off and quit. Call someone and ask them for the magic answer in a neat little package. But, I fell back on one of my key Truths- quit on a good note. Always. Quit when they get it right, even if it’s an accident.
Another of my Truths is that when a horse doesn’t understand something, it’s likely ME that isn’t being clear. So I fell back on that Truth as well and really concentrated on me and what I was telling him. I kept it as simple as I could… Walk. Stop. Turn. Good boy. Na ah. (I don’t know how to spell that weird no-no sound that I make, lol)
So yesterday I operated on the Truths that I KNOW and threw out the things I’m “pretty sure of” and the nagging voice in the back of my mind.
We quit as soon as he walked calmly through a high pressure path. He had no idea why we quit… I could tell. He looked at me like he knew he had done SOMETHING, because after all, got off, praised him and loosened his girth. But he had the strangest look on his face- he didn’t know WHAT that something was.
Oh well, my Truth said to quit so darn it, I quit.
I left feeling a little frustrated still and unsure of if anything we had done helped at all or was just a waste of our time.
Today, round 2 of “Pokie Pony”. Starting in the arena, where everything clicks. Walking out the gate, where he speeds up and shifts into the next gear. Stop. When he’s quiet, we head back in. I played like this for a while with his imaginary line… gradually, his threshold was further out the gate, but it didn’t seem to help anything “click”. So, we went out one gate, around a little trail and back in another gate. No turning around. No setting his own pace. And when we were in the arena, we trotted, went over poles and WORKED.
We just kept this routine until he was offering and seeking to go out of the arena. Ah ha- he found a release and relaxation OUT of the arena. Click 1.
As I studied myself when we were out, I realized that I ride with more pressure in my stirrups than I do inside. A lot of my time in the arena is spent without my feet in the stirrups at all and when we went out, I’m sure he could instantly feel it. So, knock it off! I quit doing that and he relaxed even more when we were out. Click 2.
We were almost there. Not to trail riding zen, but to the place where he was understanding what I was trying to tell him. There was something that was holding my clarity back. So we just kept going and I kept trying to find that last piece to the puzzle.
His breathing. I noticed that his breathing changed when he had those moments of unsuredness.
MY BREATHING! It must be MY breathing. Yep. I was nearly holding it. When I concentrated on breathing regularly, rhythmically and deeply, Click 3. Quite walking, head low, relaxed and we were both breathing.
Quit for the day! I praised him, he stopped and looked at me as if to say ”I did it, hop off”. He knew exactly what it was and looked quite satisfied. I think it was both that he was pleased with himself for having “got it”, but also with my FINALLY being clear. My riding had made things very fuzzy for him and now he’d finally gotten me to see that I needed to get a better handle on a new Truth.
It was an awesome day for me- I love when I can learn something new from a horse. God really has a way of using them to show me more clearly His Truths… about me, relationships, the world around me. Yesterday I felt a fog around the problem… all I could do was fall back on the things that I was certain of. Keep moving one step at a time through the fog. Today I was lucky enough to see the fruit of walking in those truths.
And I learned a new one. Truth is not just things that are known in my mind. If it stops there, something is missing. Truth is breathed into me and I can’t hold that in. That breath has to be able to flow freely. Softly. It can’t be just my hands that are soft. My seat that is soft. My legs that are soft. Even when I had all those finally lined up, something was missing. Even the breath within me must be soft.
It was a good day.