Right Here, Right Now.
I’m a multi-tasker. I check email while I fold laundry. I read a book if I have to wait in the car. I figure out my Jeffers order while I wait for the shower water to heat up. Sometimes this is a good thing- I couldn’t get all the things done in a day that I have to do if I couldn’t multi-task.
However, this can also be a bad thing. A very bad thing.
I have a hard time focusing on any one thing for a length of time. REALLY focussing. Giving myself completely to what I am doing and not multi-tasking my time by planning, considering and pondering about something else.
My horse is a saint. He has come a long way in the last year- transformed into the horse that I can ride around with the reins over the horn while I drink from my water bottle in one hand and talk on my cell phone in the other. (Hi Leslie :~) Or take pictures of another rider. And he’ll still go where I want to go… at the pace that I want to go. Yep, cantering and keeping hydrated is a fun way to try something new.
But what a saint. I’m quite positive that any other progress that my spotty gelding will have will be because I finally got my act together enough to realize I’d been doing it wrong before!
Today he was a little stocked up- maybe the heat. Maybe the new vitamin/mineral supplement. Anyhoo… I decided not to ride but that I’d still like to work on something. Something that I really needed to work on- not technique. Not our whoa or backup. Not posting the trot (which yeah, we can finally do withough breaking into the canter). Focus.
If I want a horse to be able to focus on me during a crisis… I guess I’d better be able to return the favor. So, what makes me sweat when I’m riding? 2 things: barbed wire, big dogs. You know where I can find both? Right outside the gate. How many times have I ridden past them? 0
So, all nice and groomed, donning his Epics, we set out down the gravel road to work on my focus. To practice being present- REALLY present in the moment.
I couldn’t think about what we were going to do for home schooling the next day. I couldn’t think about what I’d make for dinner tonight. In fact, I needed to be so WITH my horse, that I couldn’t even have my thoughts drift farther than 5 feet from him, much less 5 hours.
First we passed a pasture of horses… Not just calling to us like the rest of the 4 leggers on the property- No these horses were playing wild stallion and rushing the vinyl fence (I felt like it was a little plastic Barbie fence!) The draft horse ran up and grabbed the top rail with his teeth and shook it. Nez just watched for a second and then looked away as if to say “I can’t see it, I can’t see it, it’s not happening, I can’t see it”.
We walked past the barbed wire and uncapped t-posts. I couldn’t NOT think about it, so I just did the best I could with what I had. The truth. Outloud I told Nez that I had a problem with the fence, that it wasn’t about him and that it wasn’t something he needed to worry about. He glanced, but kept walking- ears forward to see what came next.
Hmmm. The dogs.
We couldn’t hear them yet. Couldn’t see them. But I knew they were there. I started to picture them coming through the fence somewhere and eating me alive with my poor appy at their mercy not knowing where to go.
STOP.
So, again outloud, I told him “there are dogs up ahead. I am afraid of them. It’s not about you and you don’t need to worry about them. They can’t get past the fence. I know they can’t, but it still makes me nervous. It’s not something to be scared of, I’m sorry I’m so concerned about it, I know we’ll be fine.”
Gosh I hope none of the neighbors were outside to hear me.
We kept walking. The dogs came- barreling out, barking and growling. Those dogs are HUGE.
Nez stopped to look, waited to see if what I said was true- would the fence really stop them?
He watched them all growl and bark. I kept thinking, “I’m just enjoying the sunshine and breeze with my best buddy Nez. This is the only place I want to be right now.” Something happened when I said that to myself. I decided it was true. Dogs barking, barbed wire fences and all. I really wanted to be only in that moment.
I felt the breeze and how it offered its coolness. I felt the sun on my back and how it offered its warmth. I felt my mind soften and my body relax. Then I felt my horse offering things that he’s always been offering and I simply haven’t taken notice. I felt Nez offer his company. He didn’t offer to leave, he didn’t offer fear… what he did offer was steadiness, alertness. He was not nervous, but I could tell he did have safety in mind. I realized what an asset it was to my own safety and how important that could be out on the trail. I felt him offer me his steady attention, even though he knew I was afraid he still chose to walk when I walked. Stop with me when I stopped. He was soft in the lead rope- not light and flighty, but he was really, truly in that moment and no other. The two of us were a team, carefully surveying the obstacles around us and working together for good.
I know that he is the same horse now that he was this morning. But I am forever changed.
Not because we walked past dogs or barbed wire fences. Not because he is a miraculous horse to put up with so much from me. But because I finally stopped multi-tasking and just listened to all of the things that were going on in the moment. The little things that my horse has been offering that I don’t normally notice because I’m too busy thinking about some other place and time.
It made a difference in my afternoon with Bar-B. (A new nick name I’m trying out for an adorable quarter horse mare than I’m just falling in loff with). It made a difference in the way I interacted with my kids this afternoon.
Sure, multi-tasking CAN be an asset. But only if you know how to turn it off and be in the moment when you need to.