Well, I’m tired.  Summer has now brought us saying goodbye to our gelding and now, our old doggie. 

True, he was 21.  Dogs just don’t live that long.  He had a long and happy life.  I’d had him since I was a teenager.  One day he just didn’t get up. 

I’m tired.  I’m tired of my emotions being dragged around over our old animals.  I’m tired of my saddle fitting woes (yes, the saddle that I bought that fits my horse so well, does NOT fit me at all and I’m still having my pelvis corrected with Bowen…)

So today I’m going to change it up a bit…  I’m going to write about something happy.  Something hopeful. 

Bowen Therapy.

I’ve been spending months furthering my education in equine anatomy and physical therapy.  I’ve worked hard, a lot of hours in class room time, studying from books and hands on practicum.  A lot.  I’ve passed the certification for levels 1 & 2 of Bowen Therpay, passed my equine anatomy final and now have only one last step to full certification.  Next Monday I have my “hands on final”. 

During my practicum accumulation I’ve given away treatments to many horses…  Today I got a couple of messages about horses I worked on this week and it got me to thinking- I should be sharing some of those stories here.  They are happy.  They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :~)

So I’ll start by just sharing one for now.  I saw a lovely gelding for the first time this week.  His owner is a friend of mine and she’s been through the wringer trying to figure out what is causing his intermittent lameness (and other issues).  U.C. Davis has already run a bunch of tests and couldn’t figure out what is going on and she’s taking him back for more in the near future. 

I met him this week and did a treatment.  He has a long case history that I won’t go into now, but he had a lot of twitching and flinching over his scapula at his withers.  It was an area that I asked her to keep an eye on and let me know if there was any improvement.  It had improved (more on one side than the other) but it was still very sensitive when I left.

I emailed her this morning to check in and see how he was doing and she emailed me right back…  Excitedly telling me about how he’s not reactive in that area at all now!  It might not stick for good yet, but I’m hopeful.  At the very least it shows that he responds well to Bowen Therapy and gives us a marker to go by.  I’m going back next week for his 2nd treatment and we’ll see what we find then. 

With Bowen, I’m finding that it’s most common to narrow down the painful and sensitive areas with each successive treatment, so hopefully after next week, we’ll get down to the “nitty- gritty” of what is bothering him and get him on the way to a much more balanced and well circulating body.

Happy stories.  I love those. 

I’m so happy I can hardly stand it. 

Yes- it’s that time of year when Cowgirls around the globe (o.k. not the globe… but my friends and I in Cool) are contemplating the last year with our equines, scrounging money to spend at Expo and saving calories to eat greasy food!

Horse Expo is tomorrow and we’ll be there with boots on.  (Not bells.)

So to be true to my traditions, today is the day I look back.  Last year (you can look to the right and scroll down to the archives- choose June 2009) I was finally arriving at my “bliss” with Nez.  We were working at all paces, 3 days a week.  Seat and voice cues only.  Calm, fairly collected.  Life was grand.  I would not have thought it would be my last full year with him.  I am thankful for the progress we made during our few years together and thankful that I’ve journalled it and can look back at our time together.  I am thankful for what he has tought me.  What he has taught my son.  And what he’ll continue to teach us as he passes on.

This year I look forward to my new chapter with Davis… the hunka, hunka big red horse.  I have lined up a trainer to start working with and am excited to start focussing on GOOD riding :~)  It’s been a LONG time since I’ve done that!  And honestly, since Nez has been retired, it’s been months since I’ve even put in loafing around saddle time. 

I’m a little nervous.  Ok, a LOT nervous.  I have always been weird when it comes to people watching me ride or making critical remarks.  It takes me a little bit to acclimate, but I get over it.  I appreciate it (when it’s during a lesson- the rest of the time it just weirds me out and I can’t relax, lol).  I know my flaws, now it’s time to show them to Marta.  And have a blast while she finds the ones I didn’t know I had, LOL.

It will be fun.  A new chapter for 2010.  Maybe even some competition?  Am I too old to join 4-H?   Hmmm, I need a trailer this year.

Happy Cowgirl New Year!!!  See you at the Expo!

I will cry several times as I write this.

Not because I’m a weeny.  Not because I’m an over emotional girl.  But because I’m so proud of my little cowboy.  More proud than I thought I could every be about anything in my life.

See- tears already.

If you’ve read any of my past entries about my little old appy, you know how his heart has touched mine.  How much I trust him and treasure him.  You know that over the winter his age caught up with him.  His arthritis, old injuries. 

Bowen therapy, MSM and other supplements have kept him comfortable enough in his pasture to give him a nice last spring.  I’ve done a “natural” supplement that helps with pain, but he was still pretty bad so I stopped.  I have been tempted to bute.  But I can’t stand the idea of giving myself Tylenol every day and just hurting my body more, and it’s doubly difficult for me to feel ok about doing that to him.  And his digestion suffers enough as it is, I don’t want to add an ulcer in that equation.

My almost 8 year old son asked, “mom, can I have Nez?  I’d really love if he could be my first horse.”

“Well, son” I explained “Nez won’t be with us much longer.  Are you sure you want your first horse to be around for such a short amount of time?”

More tears…  I’ll be lucky if I can finish typing this.

I was humbled as he explained to me that he didn’t care if it was only a month.  He wanted to make sure that Nez knew how much he was loved.  He wanted to make up for all the time that Nez didn’t know love so that all he could take with him to the afterlife was the feeling of love. 

This little cowboy of mine explained to me the regrets he had from when our dog was put down a few years ago.  He feels sad that he wasn’t there to hold our dog’s head in his lap as he passed.  He want’s Nez’ last thoughts to be of happiness and love and having his face held by his little boy. 

My son regrets that we waited so long to have our dog put down.  The dog had a tumor in his mouth.  We spent countless hours in the vet’s office… they kept removing parts of the tumor to keep him comfortable as long as possible, but without removing his lower jaw, there was no way to get all of the cancer.  So it was a waiting game.  In the end, he was thin and had no energy.  Finally one morning the tumor started bleeding and wouldn’t stop.  That was his last day.  My little cowboy does not want that kind of end for Nez.

I don’t know how he can be such a compassionate child.  It escapes me how he can be so selfless and have such big ideas and convictions.  How he can be so brave.

So the little cowboy’s first horse is a horse that he’ll have for less than a month.  Granted we’ve had him a few years and they’ve spent plenty of time together.  But now, they are inseparable.  The boy headed out to the pasture with a halter over his shoulder.  The spotty pony that nickers at him and hobbles up the hill to meet him. 

Lot’s of brushing and feet cleaning.  A pony that once was skittish and scared basks in the magic of a child’s love and attention.  A pony that once jumped at every little sound and swish of a fly, never moves a foot as this little cowboy loves on him and gently removes the mud and dirt.

The little cowboy is learning how to tack up himself and they ride around the arena slowly together.  The spotty pony has the look on his face like he is carrying precious cargo.  Never has he been so in his element.   Nez has a hard time walking back down the hill to the barn, so the boy goes slow.   

More brushing.  Lot’s of whispering and I don’t know what they are saying to each other, but it is important.

The little cowboy walks him down to the pasture… they creep along slowly as the boy waits for the hobbling horse.  The boy takes off the halter and laughs and laughs as the spotty pony nickers and nickers.  The pony sniffing every pocket the boy has.  Looking for a peanut butter cracker or cookie that must be hiding just for him.  And yes, the boy pulls it from it’s hiding spot and the pony gobbles it up.

Countless times I have hoped that spotty horse would be “sound enough” to make it another year as my son’s horse.  And countless times I am reminded by my son’s courageous words that he wants Nez’ last days to be days like this.  Not days of overwhelming pain.  No mom, we can’t wait until he can’t get around the pasture anymore.

This Friday they have a photo shoot together.  My son has his outfit all picked out… a matching saddle blanket and tack.  He’s very excited. 

“Mom, I can’t imagine my life without horses.  I think I’ll always have a horse, even when I’m old.  Like you.”

Thanks for that.  :~)  No, really.  THANK you for that.  The most precious gift that I could receive is watching the love for a horse grow and blossom and witness what it does to grow the spirit of my little cowboy.

So, I get my big red dream horse home.  He’s fantastic.  Beautiful- in every way… big ol’ quarter horse butt, muscles just EVERYwhere.  Beautiful face… Like a painting.  Loads of personality.  AND he just loves my old appy.  LOVES  him. 

Now Davis (the new guy) will fight through the fence with the other horses… for a few days when he first arrived I worried that he’d take the fence out.  But not with Nez… Davis is definately in charge, but he moves Nez in small incriments, Nez moves just BARELY enough to called it moving, then turns around and comes back.  (”kids these days”) 

When we take Nez out of the pasture, Davis calls to him like a little girl.  :~)  Way too cute.  It does my heart good because that is one of the things I really wanted before Nez’ time came…  Up until now we’ve had to keep Nez separate from the other horses because when he went downhill in soundness, the other horses started trying to pick him off and help nature along.  Poor ol’ guy.

Now he gets the happiest last couple of months we could possibly get for him.  Dusty tears in my eyes as I watch them graze the grassy nubs in their pasture together.  Like old friends.

I digress- this is supposed to be a bout a saddle, right?!

Davis is home and (you all know the story) I can’t seem to find a saddle that fits.  His shoulder is massive.  He’s got a nice wither and a little bit of a dip to his back (NOT sway backed, just not built like a mule, lol).  And did I mention his shoulder?  It’s just this mass of muscle… 

I found that a 7″ gullet was wide enough, but semi bars was way to narrow, quarter horse bars were still too narrow.  And the bars were too long and caused the saddles to bridge.  (He has a lovely short back).  So I tried a gaited saddle.  Oh, almost perfect.  Perfect rock, nice flare, wide enough gullet, but alas, still the angle of the bars was too narrow for his shoulder.

Just to be sure I girthed it up and took him up to the arena & turned him loose.  He bucked for the first time (so far he’s been ultra mellow) and I couldn’t quite say for sure if it was the saddle or him just letting his inner-punk out to play.

I sat on the saddle for about 45 seconds.  Yep, just long enough to stick my hand under the pommel and realize I couldn’t.  So I promptly slid off before I made him help me get off, lol. 

(And yes, if he would have bucked me off it would have been my own fault.)

Back to the drawing board.  Dang it.  That saddle was only $350 and a name brand (which is important to me not because I’m a snob, but because eventually I’d like to save up for a custom saddle for him, and I’ll need good resale value).  AND it matched my bridle.  Now that is just because I’m a snob… but a redneck snob so that’s ok, right?

Dissappointment set in and a friend reminded me of the great things that God has in store for my big red horse and I.  Surely He knows what He is doing.  (Woops, how can I lose sight of that fact so quickly when I’m looking at this miracle horse?!)

I just don’t normally think of God providing my tack.  Usually I leave that up to Smith Brothers. 

I prayed.  Again I made my list of the things that I knew I needed, and the things I wanted.  I listed Davis’ measurements.  Then back to the drawing board to look/wait some more.

I did find that maybe an Arabian tree would work.  But since the gaited didn’t, I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much.  I scoured craigslist and ebay…  Found only one arab tree, and while it is a deal at $600, I just don’t have that kind of cash. 

Came up empty handed on the arab tree idea.  But I did find a couple of ads on craigslist that I inquired about, asking for pictures and measurements.  And I found one on ebay that I asked for measurements…

Now for the cool part (if you’re still reading, you get a gold star by the way!)  All of the saddles I inquired about happened to be the same one!  There was NO way for me to know that!!!  No pics on the craigslist ads.  Only the generic craigslist email address.  Double whammy:  I know the gal.  I’ve been to her place and we’ve traded tack before. 

So, yada yada yada… she is sure the saddle will fit, but if it doesn’t she’ll buy it right back.  Can’t lose with that deal.  I bid on ebay. 

I end up winning the bid at less than $150.  Brand name saddle (not uber ritzy brand, but it’s a Circle A by American Saddlery, good enough).  AND it matches my tack!!!  And after looking up the serial number, it’s an arab tree afterall.  LOL.

I go pick it up, we walk into her tack room and she stands at the door, hands on her hips and says “now where is that saddle?”.  And it slides off the rack.  Yep.  Perfect timing. 

Oh, and guess what?  It fits.  Really, really fits.

No bucking on the lunge.  Happy horse.  Out of the way of his shoulder.  Short tree fits his back nicely. 

I finally got to ride my dream boat yesterday.  Walk trot transitions, (nice western pleasure jog).  Turn on the haunches and forehand.  Great control with my legs.  Nice back up.  Awesome whoa.  Neck reins nicely.  My gosh I love this horse. 

He looked so handsome all tacked up in that dark oil and black tack.  And he even worked up a little sweat…  No swirlies under his pad, nothing budged.  I am so happy right now.  I guess God knows what he’s doing.  Now, the trick for me is to allow this to permiate the rest of my life.  If God is the provider of EVERY good and perfect thing that I have… if they are all gifts from above… this really impacts every moment of the rest of my life.

Sigh.  I am so happy.

Nice performance…

Waiting is an interesting concept. 

Not something I good at.  Or graceful.  I’m not naturally patient…  I like shopping online because there are no lines, no drive to the store and I can find what I want immediately.  I like making things myself because I can have an idea and then fashion something to meet the need without having to wait and search.

In having scaled back to 1 horse and then having that horse go lame, I have been tested in many ways.  Waiting is the biggest.  Waiting for him to come around sound again.  Waiting to ride.  Waiting to get another horse. 

Scooping a lot of poop in the mean time. 

Nez still gets brushed and feet cleaned ALL the time.  He is increasingly uncomfortable and yesterday stumbled just on the downhill into his paddock.  It’s time.  Now I have a great peace about it…  And it helps that I know a lot of other folks go through euthenasia angst as well.  And that a very cool gal in Elk Grove keeps reminding us that horses don’t plan for tomorrow, they don’t dread the thought of being put down, they just live for right now.  And right now he hurts pretty much constantly.  It’s hard to even watch him stand in his favorite spot in his paddock… constantly shifting weight and trying to get himself comfortable.  Calling to the other horses that have gone wandering while he stands in the flat spot where he can’t see them.

Now he’s waiting.

As I started looking at the possibility of getting another horse (and getting my increasing butt back in the saddle before I can’t fit into my jeans anymore! gosh, you’d think I could find another form of exercise!) I had a lot of choices to make.

Breed, age, training, cost, etc.

A very wise person recommended that I just pray about it and wait for my ideal horse.  No settling.

Great idea, but an interesting concept when my budget is so tight.  It’s around zero dollars.

So I make a list.  A literal list.  Quarter horse (or paint/appy, but quarter horse type), 5-15 years, broke, sound, easy keeper.  I want a horse that has a solid foundation in training and has been exposed to LOTS of things already.  A horse that has had a rope swung off of, been around guns, kids, cattle.  A horse that can travel out alone or is good in groups.  A horse that will walk down the trail without jigging.  A horse that will pack my husband or kids on occasion.  Don’t care about color, but I have a soft spot for big red horses.

And then I wait.

I understand that I might wait for a year, since the last thing on my list happens to be that the horse must also be free or MIRACULOUSLY affordable.  And miraculous is the key.

Offers start coming in, but one by one, they tempt me away from my commitment to wait.  Slowly, painfully, I turn them down, one by one.  Knowing that each one could have been the key to at least getting me riding again.

Then it happens.  A whirlwind really- a friend is moving and needs to find homes for his horses.  These are GREAT horses.  One a flashy palimino (who I like well enough) and one a big red horse.  A horse that my husband has been trail riding on.  A horse that I rode a through the mountains a couple years ago and fell in love with.  Way before I was looking for another horse. 

Now would be a good time to mention… the horse is EVERYthing on my list.  Except free.  And he’s worth paying for, I just don’t have any cash.  We’re remodeling our kitchen, praying that we don’t go over budget because it’s so tight already… And I have a euthensia cost coming up.  Plus the Bowen certification classes and, well, we’ve all been there, right?  Cash poor.

So I just keep waiting.  Then, one day, on a whim I ask if there is anything he’d like to barter.  Bartering is my friend.  Not merely and acquaintance, but a close friend that knows me well. 

I don’t have anything that he needs, but hubby might.  Hubby calls… I don’t know too much about what happened between that point and now.  Next thing I know the friend of ours is in our living room (with remodel going on- oy what a mess!) and when I walk in, he and hubby are shaking hands. 

In my mind, there was some “thanks, but no thanks” going on. 

But instead it was a good old fashiond cowboy deal.  Hubby traded his favorite over and under for my horse.  Miraculous. 

Surfing cowboy trades brand new shot gun for his woman’s new horse! 

For right now I’m back to waiting… waiting for schedules to lighten up enough to get the new guy moved over to our barn.  But waiting just got easier.  I know that it pays off… I know that there is a plan.  And that even when waiting is difficult and it doesn’t seem logical to think it could all work out, logic doesn’t matter as much as I used to think.

The best things in life aren’t things.

That’s a little saying that we’ve all heard at some point.  I read it in a book a few weeks ago…  it caught my eye as being out of place in the Wall Street section at a big box book store.  Horses and cowboys on the cover…  of course, lol.

It was a book on ethics and cowboy ways that would bring back some good old fashioned values to anyone’s life.  I don’t see how it couldn’t make you a more successful person, even if you didn’t make more money.

Then I saw the phrase on one of those wall art stickers and bought it up.  It now adorns the wall above my desk in my office…  And today, as my 7 year old served me Mother’s Day breakfast in bed (spagetti-o’s) and played guitar while singing the Mother’s Day song he wrote for me, I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by the feeling that the phase is exactly right. 

Sure, I love my saddle.  I have my favorite bridle (with the raw hide braiding and star conchos).  I have a vaccum that kicks butt and I love how easy it makes my life.  I’m getting a new kitchen this week and boy do I love the new cabinetry and counters… and flooring.  I really really love my Jeep. 

But the BEST things in life really are NOT things- They are husbands that buy you your favorite saddles, vaccums and Jeeps.  Kids when they you little pieces of their hearts in hand drawn cards and beautiful songs.  My cute little dog that follows me everywhere.  My old gelding that nickers as he limps over for a cookie.  The bunny that hops over and sticks her head out of her hutch so you’ll hand her some clover.  The bees as they busily work away at the lavender bushes.  Sitting in my back yard with my coffee in the morning, listening to birds sing, feeling the warm sun on my skin as the cool of the night hasn’t completely worn away yet, watching people ride their horses down the trail.  Those are the best things in life. 

Moments. 

Grab every one, take a picture of it in your mind and treasure it.  Always.  You can’t buy more later.  You can’t do them over. 

As my newly-driving-teen-daugther wrote on my card… Happy Mothu’s Day, yall!

Cinco de Mayo has come and gone.  Every year since I was a kid May 5th has been a special day for me (it was my quarter horse’s birthday, afterall.)  His name was Star Dust.  Well, Star Dust’s something or other.  I just called him Star. 

He was 12 years old, used to be used for rodeo- Mostly roping.  A big red horse that loved watermelon rinds and hated peanuts.  (I don’t think you’re supposed to feed horses peanuts….)  He broke my toes once, but I didn’t hold it against him.

Star taught me how to trail ride.  He’d go through and over anything, I don’t think he EVER spooked.  He loved to run like the wind- you know… you hit the canter and are going along all “girl-on-her-horse-wind-in-your-hair” and you can feel the energy building until you just squeeze and whisper “go ahead, run”.  My eyes would water as I held on for dear life and felt the rush of his energy reaching and pulling. 

It’s a great wonder how we never hit a gopher hole.  I’m too big a chicken in my grown-up-ness to ride like that now.

I miss that horse.  He will always have a special place in my heart- for babysitting me and never leaving me behind.  He was my best friend for quite some time.  He was patient enough to pack me, my brother in the front and a friend on the back.  With a curb bit and probably and ill-fitting saddle no less.  A saint.

Happy Birthday, Star.  Where ever you are.

In my quest to be responsible and do right by my old horse, I am trying to make a plan for euthenasia.  No, it’s not fun.  I’d rather be surfing ebay, weedeating the property, RIDING or heck, I’d rather fold laundry.  I’d rather sit around folding for the next 7 years straight than have to think about putting him down… 

But it’s not really about what I want, but what I need to do to take care of business.

You want to know why it’s so hard to stop folks from selling their horses or giving them away to slaughter buyers?  Because it costs and arm and a leg to have one put down.  A couple hundred dollars for the vet… another couple hundred for hauling. 

Or holy cow- I called to see how much it is to have them cremated.  Thinking somehow that might be less expensive.  Nope… it’s about $800.  Wow. 

Something has to be done about this…

Last weekend was our church’s women’s retreat.  I missed it. 

Caught a lot of flack from some ladies at church, but that kind of stuff never bothered me much anyway :~)

Hubby already had plans for another (also important) event so I stayed home with the little ranch hads (the kids, lol) and we did chores.  I didn’t think a whole lot about it, I knew that my husband would be blessed by my staying home and so I did.  Without a second thought, really.

I did not know what God had in store for me over the weekend though.  I had a chance to meet Jeanette and Richard from Hearts Up Ranch.  I had heard of some folks doing a coast to coast ride, but hadn’t put a whole lot of thought into that either.  I guess that might be a habit of mine, lol.

Anyway, VERY nice people, raising money for a VERY worthy cause!!!  They’re on their way through the snowy mountains to Carson City, so if you have a place where they can hunker down for a bit when they get there, please get in touch with them!!! Or me, I’ll do my best to pass along the message.

Oh- they could also use a smart phone that will work with Verizon :~)   And hoof boots- the horses are all barefoot and they have 16 feet to fit with boots… going through them pretty quickly over the terrain of America, so any that you have to donate will go to good use!

AND they could really use your prayers!!!  They’ve run into lots of obstacles already and will no doubt encounter plenty more.  Prayers for safety for themselves, for God to continue to guide their path and for the horses to remain healthy would be appreciated!

I am honored that God would keep me home and put me directly into contact with them.  Beyond honored, but I don’t know of another word that would propperly describe my feeling. 

Please check out their website, you can follow their progress, look through photos of their trip and read about the interesting things that are happening along the way… and please donate if you feel so lead.